Wednesday, March 17, 2010

3's and 9's: A Simple Game, A Serious Addiction

Well since I am claiming that the 39er is a blog for the seriously addicted gambler, I guess it's about time I explained the rules of three's and nine's. This game is no joke and is not intended for happily married couples, successful businessmen, or other members of society that have their shit together. You don't play three's and nine's, three's and nine's plays you. Here's the rules. You can play 3's and 9's with as many people as you'd like but small groups are encouraged. Each member of the group is given three cards first. The object is to make the best three card hand possible and 3's and 9's are wild. This is not like Hold 'em. There are no flushes or straights, just pairs and trips. After you check your cards out first, you have the option to discard up to three cards and take from the deck up to three to try to improve you hand. This process goes around the whole table. At this point you can fold or play. Toss your cards to fold, tap the table to play. Now either two scenarios are going to happen.

1. Everyone folds and one taps. In this case, the player will play the dealer. Player one discards as many cards as needed once. The dealer gets three cards. If he like what he sees, the dealer can stay or draw up to three more cards. If player one has the better hand, he takes the pot. If the dealer does, player one matches the pot and another game begins.

2. Two or more people tap. It's on now. In this case, all players are allowed to discard up to three and take up to three if they wish. Whoever gets the best three card hand gets the pot. Then, the rest of the players have to match the pot and another game begins.


What do plates have to do with cards? Well, a lot actually. You see sometimes our more addicted 39ers don't know how to say no. "200 dollar hand looks good to me," says the gambling freak. Only problem is they don't have the money to back it up. The have a pair of aces and a 7 of spades going against the dealer when...3-9-3 gets slammed down on the table. "Holy shit! That was my baby momma's diaper money!" they say. Too bad. You see, if you can't cover your debts in a 39ers house you are fucked. First, your name and the amount of your debt is written on a paper plate and then pinned on the wall. And not just any wall. It's a wall of embarrassment. One 39er has pictures of him cuddling a gay, having sex with a fat ass girl, and doggy styling a donkey.

So what's the point. Don't lose without money in your pocket because there is always a place for you on the wall.

And that's three's and nine's.

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